Indiana Kim and the Dreidel of Doom
by MrDrP
Summary: Kim faces what may be her greatest challenge ever: the Stoppables' extended family Hanukah celebration.  It's going to be so the drama ...  [COMPLETE]


I thought if I could write two Kim/Ron Christmas stories (_It's a Ronderful Life_ and _Kim Possible: So the Christmas Present Drama_), I could pen at least one for Hanukah.

For my regular readers, please don't be surprised if _KP: TNG_ is not posted until Saturday; FF net has announced plans for site maintenance on Friday.

Leave a review and Hanukah Harry (that is his name, right?) will make sure you get a reply.

Thanks to campy for his beta and proofing services; the Hanukah gelt is on its way.

Please note: I could not find one official, universally agreed upon spelling for Hanukah. So I went with what made sense to me.

You saw it on _KP_, Disney owns it.

* * *

I.

Kim Possible walked up the path to her boyfriend's house. It was the first night of Hanukah and she was going to join the Stoppables for a family celebration.

This was the first winter that Kim and Ron were more than 'just' best friends. For as many years as they could remember, Ron had joined the Possible family for their Christmas celebrations. James and Ann Possible had always pulled out all the stops for the Yuletide festivities and Ron had treasured being a part of the fun, in part because he loved being with his best friend and her family, and in part because Hanukah was such a non-event at the Stoppables'. This year, though, things would be different. Barbara Jo Stoppable had decided that she was going to have a celebration worthy of the Festival of Lights, one that would bring the extended family together and create memories that would be treasured for years to come.

Kim was delighted when she received the invitation from Ron's mother, then shocked when Ron begged her to contact Wade in the hope that Drakken or Dementor or Gemini or even Chester Yapsby might be readying some whack plan for global domination that required the attention of Team Possible on the first night of Hanukah.

"KP, look, I know we're only high school seniors and we've only been dating a few months and I don't want to freak you out by mentioning the word marriage because guys don't think that way or they shouldn't and we still have to go to college though I don't know where I'm going yet but I'd like to keep our options open and if you come over and meet my freak show of a family you're gonna go running back to Erik because a synthodrone would be better to date and, and, and, …" Ron began to hyperventilate.

"Ron, amp down," Kim said, reaching across the table at Bueno Nacho to take her overwrought boyfriend's hand. "It's so not the drama. I know your parents and I've met some of your family at your bar mitzvah and your cousin's wedding, remember?"

"Kim," Ron whined. "You don't understand. Those were structured family events that included outsiders; it was sort of like going to the zoo. This will be like seeing the animals in the wild!"

"Animals?" Kim asked skeptically. "Look, Ron, it'll be fine. Besides, even if what you say is true, it's you I'm dating, not them."

"You say that now, Kim …" Ron said as he hung his head, a picture of despair. "Well, I guess you can come. It's been nice being your boyfriend for as long I have …"

Kim rolled her eyes. "Overreacting much, Ron? I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I eat too many potato pancakes?"

II.

Kim rang the doorbell. She was soon greeted by Ron, who gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then pulled her inside. She had rarely seen him look so harried. For a moment she wondered if Steve Barkin was a member of the Stoppable clan and if he was lurking in the house, foisting homework upon Ron.

"You got the Kimmunicator?" Ron asked, his eyes darting to and fro.

"Of course, Ron, it's right here," she said with a roll of her eyes as she withdrew the device from her bag to reassure Ron.

"Wade call in with anything? Drakken on the move? Dementor ready to pounce?"

"No such luck, Ron," Kim said, a note of exasperation in her voice. She cared deeply for Ron, as both a best friend and a boyfriend, but sometimes he could be a bit … much, quite prone to melodrama. "Why don't we just enjoy ourselves, 'kay?" she asked, taking his hand.

"Kim, nice to see you!" Mr. Stoppable said as he entered the foyer. "I'm so glad you could join us."

"Me too, Mr. Stoppable, thanks for the invite," Kim replied brightly.

"Kimberly," Mrs. Stoppable said, a bit less warmly than her husband. "I'll take that, thank you very much," she said as she removed the Kimmunicator from Kim's hand. "You two can run around doing who knows what tomorrow. But tonight, family comes first, don't you agree?"

"Uh, yes, sure, Mrs. Stoppable," a stunned Kim answered. Nobody other than a villain or her father had ever actually taken the Kimmunicator from her; the villains would destroy it and her father had simply turned it off to encourage Kim to spend time with her mother. Barbara Jo, however, walked off with the device, holding it with a look of distaste, as if it was a dirty magazine she had just found under her son's mattress. Kim was too shocked to see the expression of horror on Ron's face; he had the look of a drowning man who has just watched the last life boat sink.

"We're doomed," he whispered.

III.

Kim followed Ron into the living room. Mr. Stoppable was there, as was Mrs. Stoppable. A number of older relatives she didn't recognize were present. And so was Cousin Shawn.

Kim remembered hearing Ron whine about his then seven-year-old relative. She had briefly seen the boy taunt the Zorpoxed Ron at the Stoppable-Starter wedding, then seen him offer his older cousin cake, after he'd become a model of decorum thanks to the Attitudinator. The evil leer on his face told Kim that the effects of Jack Hench's device were not permanent.

She felt distinctly uncomfortable in the presence of this eight year old whose iguana rested languidly upon his shoulder. She recalled watching _The Shining_ with Monique a couple of years ago; she found herself having flashbacks. Looking at Shawn was like looking at a pint-sized version of Jack Nicholson. She squeezed Ron's hand. _I so owe Ron an apology. I shouldn't have ragged on him for being freaked out by a seven year old. Of course, how was I supposed to know this kid was so … creepy?_

Shawn stared at Ron. "So, Cousin Ron has a girlfriend. You pay her to date you? Or is she a loooooser like you?"

Ron bristled. "Shawn …"

"Ooooo. Cousin Ronnie's getting angry! I'm soooo scared!" Shawn taunted.

Kim was shocked that nobody was doing anything to reprimand Ron's little cousin.

Shawn turned his attentions to Kim. "Hey, I know you. I've seen you on TV. You're Kim Possible!"

"Uh, yes, I am," she replied, unsure of where this was going.

"My mom says you like girls!"

Kim's eyes bugged out. "What!" she blurted out as Shawn's mother turned a vivid shade of scarlet.

"Yeah, she says the reason you always fight with that Shego lady is because you're too scared to admit how you really feel about her and that you're just dating Cousin Ron to hide your secret."

Kim felt like she had just been sucker-punched. Kim had nothing against women who liked other women; but she was definitely not wired that way. And even if she were, the idea that she'd like _Shego_, who had tried on numerous occasions to _kill _her … Kim shuddered and suddenly found herself seized by a fervent hope that Dementor would try to steal the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer again, preferably within the next five minutes.

"Well, Kimberly, since you're the girl who can do anything, why don't you help me make some potato latkes?" Mrs. Stoppable asked in a way that was tantamount to an order.

Ron turned to his girlfriend. "Don't worry, KP. It'll be a breeze with the Rondo as your wingman!"

Kim smiled at him, seeing the invitation to cook, which she would usually fear, as a reprieve. She drew strength from the knowledge that Ron would be with her in the kitchen.

"Actually, Ronnie, I thought it would be nice for Kimberly and me to have some time alone together. And you should visit with family."

Ron looked nervously at his girlfriend. "You down with that, Kim?"

"No big, Ron," she told Ron in a way that told him it was anything but. The kitchen and Kim Possible were like leopards and antelopes, polar bears and baby harp seals, the New York Yankees and the Milwaukee Brewers: predator and prey. Only one could survive. And the identity of the survivor was usually known long before the contest began.

Ron watched his mother lead his girlfriend away, hoping that his parents were current on their fire insurance payments.

IV.

The last time Kim had been covered with this much food was the time she fell into the cookie dough batter at Granny Crockett's factory. The teen hero was at a loss, trying to pick pieces of shredded potato from her hair.

At least she had stopped the grease fire.

Barely.

What was truly mortifying about the situation was the way Ron's mother was looking at her. Kim had never felt so inept in all her life. _Is this how Ron felt all those times he was having trouble doing something?_ she wondered. _Some best friend I was. If only I'd known, I'd have tried harder to make him feel better about himself._

Ron walked into the kitchen and surveyed the damage.

"Mom! What did you do to Kim?" he exclaimed.

Two surprised women gaped at him.

"What are you talking about, Ronnie? I merely asked Kimberly to shred some potatoes and then _this_ happened …" Mrs. Stoppable said, dismissively waving her hand at the spud-covered redhead and the messed-up counter beside her.

A forlorn Kim looked at Ron. _He must think I'm such a loser …_

"Sha, Mom. Everybody knows that peeler is possessed by the spirit of the Garden Gnome. I just cannot believe you asked KP to do that. And on her first foray into our kitchen."

"Ronnie …" his mother began to growl.

Ron waved her off as he put a reassuring hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Badical job, Kim. The first time I did this I had peels on the ceiling and they had to call in the hazmat crew."

Kim looked at her goofily grinning boyfriend, knowing he was lying through his teeth. That he didn't want her to feel bad about things made her feel like a million dollars.

"C'mon, why don't you change into that spare set of mission clothes you've got?" he asked, leading her out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.

"Ten minutes, Ronnie, I want you back down in ten minutes!" his mother ordered.

"You got it, Mom," he called back, following Kim up to his room.

V.

Once in his bedroom, Ron began to rummage through his closet, looking for Kim's extra set of togs.

She was sitting on his bed, her head in her hands, feeling glum, when she felt someone poke her leg. She looked down and saw Rufus.

"Hey, Rufus, where have you been?" she asked.

"Hiding!" he said, matter-of-factly.

"Hiding?"

"Iguana. Bleh!" he spat out.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish I could hide, too," Kim confessed to the naked mole rat.

"Okay, Kimbo, here ya go," Ron said, finally finding her clothes. He brought them over to her and smiled.

"What?" she asked.

"You're so beautiful," Ron murmured.

"Ron! I have potatoes in my hair. I am so not beautiful right now!"

"Nuh uh," he objected. "You are especially beautiful right now," he said as he sat down beside Kim. Ron wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close, then wrapped the other arm around her, turning Kim to him; she responded by draping her arms around his neck. The two teens looked at each other, forgetting where they were. Ron began to kiss his girlfriend, slowly at first, then passionately, only to be disturbed by the sound of …

"Ooooo, look! Cousin Ronnie's kissing his giiiirlfriend! Wait 'til I tell your Mom what I saw you doing up here!" Cousin Shawn cried out. "Better yet, I'll show her and the whole world!" he said, brandishing a picture-taking cell phone.

"Shawn!" Ron yelled.

"Spankin'," Kim groaned. _Well, _she thought as she watched Ron take off after his cousin, _at least the picture should dispel any misconceptions his Aunt or anyone else has about me and Shego_.

VI.

Ron and Kim returned to the living room and saw a small plastic toy and some shiny gold wrappers sitting in the middle of the card table.

Ron smiled as he looked at his girlfriend. "It's the dreidel game. Kind of like a top. It's got four letters on the side and based on which one lands facing up, you pass, add something to the pot, take half the pot or win it all. We play for the pile of Hanukah gelt, that's chocolate. You got game?"

Kim looked at the table and the pot of chocolate, then grinned at her boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah. I got game," she said in a take-no-prisoners tone that Ron found heartening.

The two teens sat at the table and were getting ready to play when Ron's cousin Reuben and Mrs. Stoppable joined them.

"So, Kim, what's it like being a world-famous teen hero?" Ron's cousin asked.

"Oh, it's no big. You know, just trying to fight evil. And you know, I couldn't save the world without Ron," she added, patting her boyfriend's arm.

"Uh huh," Reuben said. "Yeah, about that. If it weren't for you, I guess Ron would never have been turned evil by that Drakken guy and ruined my wedding …"

Kim turned white.

"Hey!" Ron snapped, "That wasn't KP's fault. Besides, you gotta admit, that plasma catapult I invented was pretty cool …" he trailed off as he noticed three pairs of eyes glaring at him.

"So, Reuben," Kim asked, trying to change the topic as she spun the plastic top. "What do you do?"

"I'm a lawyer," he said. "You actually may know one of my clients."

Both Kim and Ron looked quizzically at Reuben.

"Jonathan Demens. Better known to you as Professor Dementor."

"Oh, really," Kim said. "What a small world …" _Oy_, she thought. _This so cannot be good …_

"Yes, actually, I shouldn't tell you this, but since you're dating a family member, I will. He's debating whether he should file charges against you," Reuben said evenly.

"What?" Kim and Ron both exclaimed.

Out of habit, Kim looked at Ron and said, "Jinx! You owe me a soda!"

"Aw, man," Ron whined, before turning back to his cousin, who was now spinning the dreidel. "So, Reubo, what are you talking about? KP's one of the good guys!"

"Well, that's not the way our client sees it. He says that your girlfriend stole an invention of his. Something called a transportulator."

Kim snorted. "I did _not_ steal it. I was led to believe that it had been stolen by Dementor and that I was retrieving it for its rightful owners."

"Ignorance is no defense in the eyes of the law, Kim," Reuben said sagely. "Breaking and entering. Consorting with known criminals. You got a back-up plan for college should you be charged, tried, and convicted? Most schools don't admit felons."

Ron saw that Mrs. Stoppable's nostrils were flaring. _Okay, Mom, you get angry_, he thought. _Put Cousin Reuben in his place. Nobody threatens Kim!_

"Ronnie, we need to talk. Now!" she said to her son's surprise, getting up, grabbing his arm, and dragging him into the kitchen.

Kim was sitting at the table, suddenly worried about her future, when she heard the words "jailbird" and "don't even go there!" emanate from the kitchen. A few minutes later, a scowling Mrs. Stoppable and a seemingly satisfied Ron returned to the table.

Barbara Jo looked at her nephew. "Reuben, if you ever want to show your face at a family gathering again," she said through gritted teeth, "you will tell your client not to proceed."

The young lawyer, quite surprised, looked at his aunt. "May I ask why?"

"Yes," she said, her eyes shooting daggers at Kim and Ron, "I will not have Ronnie turning himself in as Kimberly's accessory so he can take a one-way trip to the prison laundry room."

Kim wanted to say something but noticed Ron was subtly shaking his head.

"So, Mom," he said, "how 'bout you show us some of your bon-diggity dreidel spinning moves …"

Kim was relieved to see an apparently mollified Mrs. Stoppable reach for the toy. _Maybe_, she thought, _Ron wasn't completely off base when he claimed to be a master of diplomacy back before he went to Japan …_

VII.

The Stoppables and Kim sat at the table. Ron's mother brought out a platter stacked high with potato pancakes. Cousin Shawn followed with a tray of small bowls containing apple sauce.

"Here you go, Kim," he said sweetly. "Sorry I was mean before."

A surprised Kim smiled and took the bowl that Shawn offered. "Thank you," she said, happy that the holy terror seemed to have a conscience.

The conversation began to pick up and the food was being enjoyed.

Suddenly, Kim turned green.

"Excuse me!" she said as she got up and darted from the table towards the bathroom. Everyone at the table save Shawn looked shocked, while the youngster just sat there, looking immensely pleased with himself.

Ron looked down the table at Shawn.

"What did you put in her food, Shawn?" Ron asked.

"Aw, Cousin Ronnie's upset his girlfriend has an upset tummy …" Shawn said tauntingly.

Years of torment finally took their toll. Ron got up from his seat, walked over to Shawn, yanked back his chair, and lifted the malevolent child up into the air so he could stare him in the eye.

"Hey!" the eight year old squealed.

"Ronnie, put him down!" Mrs. Stoppable insisted.

"Shawny!" the boy's mother exclaimed.

Ron ignored his mother's and aunt's cries. "Okay, you little creep, here's the score. You want to mess with me, fine. But KP is off limits, you got it?"

"Put me down!" Shawn squealed.

"Not until you tell me what you put into Kim's food!"

"Ex-lax …" the boy whimpered.

Ron set Shawn back down in his chair, stalked out of the room, then returned with a plastic bottle, whose contents he emptied into Shawn's apple sauce.

"Eat it!" Ron ordered.

"You can't be serious," Shawn's mother said in horror.

"Note serious face," Ron growled as he stared at a now shaken Shawn. "Eat it! NOW!"

Reluctantly, Shawn complied, knowing that very soon he'd be beating the same path that Kim had just traveled.

VIII.

As soon as she could, Kim fled the Stoppable house.

Kim Possible, the girl who could do anything, learned that meant she could meet her match.

Drakken dangling her over an alligator pit? No big.

Dementor tying her up (while having to deal with being bonded to Bonnie, to boot) to the counter electrodynamic concentrator? So not the drama.

Hanukah dinner with Ron's extended family? That was a ferociously different matter.

Mad scientists and megalomaniacs bent on world domination she could handle; spuds in her hair, death stares from her boyfriend's mother, legal threats, and laxatives in her food, all in one evening was simply too much for even Kim Possible.

She felt terrible about not even saying good night to her boyfriend, but Ron had disappeared from the dining room by the time she emerged from the bathroom and she had to leave the house as soon as she could lest Shawn or one of Ron's other relatives strike again. Besides, if she was going to be sick, she preferred to be so in the comfort of her own home.

IX.

As soon as Ron had finished with Shawn and learned that Kim had left the house, he followed after her, driving his parents' car. He pulled up next to the hunched form he saw running down the street.

"Can I give you a lift?" he asked, half expecting her to tell him to stay away from her.

Kim smiled wanly as she opened the door and climbed in, still clutching her tummy.

"I'm sorry I flaked on you like that," she said, taking his free hand.

"S'kay, KP, I told you they were a tough crowd," Ron offered in reply. "Ya know, I love my folks, even if Dad can be a bit, uh, wishy-washy and Mom can be a bit of a hard case, though tonight she was out of control. Still, they mean well. But the rest of my family …" he added, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm sorry I doubted you," she said. "Now I know why you were so freaked out about your Cousin Shawn."

"A regular Rosemary's Baby," Ron observed.

Ron pulled the car into the Possibles' driveway. He got out, came around, and opened the door for Kim, then led her to her front door.

"Well, I guess I should be going now," he said.

Kim looked at Ron, then reached up to his cheek. "I, I hope you don't mind my saying this Ron, but I think I have a better understanding of why you like to spend so much time here."

Ron was about to say something about how it was obvious, given that his best friend's mom fed him badical food, but now that Kim had seen the dark underbelly of Stoppable family life, he felt that he had revealed something of his life she had never truly seen, something that may have helped her better know him, and had, hopefully, brought them closer together.

"Yeah, well …"

"You know you're always welcome here. Even if you weren't my boyfriend, and I'm ferociously glad you are, you'd still be a part of this family, ya know?"

"Yeah, KP, I know that," he said, embracing her, relieved as she responded in kind. "So, you're really, really sure you want to keep dating me, now that you've been to the fun house?"

"Ron, you're my BFBF, no matter what," she reassured him as she tightened her embrace.

"BFBF?"

"Best friend Boyfriend. Guess I've known Monique too long," Kim said with a chuckle.

"Badical," Ron whispered into her ear, before pulling away. "Well, I'd better go back. Sleep tight, KP," he said, before giving her a kiss.

"You, too, Ron," she said with a smile as she turned to open the door to her house.

Kim didn't see Ron pull out of the driveway; by the time he put the key into the ignition, she was making a mad dash for the bathroom.

X.

It was the next morning and Kim was reading the latest issue of _Spirit Squad Weekly_, THE cheerleading magazine, when her mother called to her.

"Honey, it's for you."

Kim picked up the phone with excitement when she saw the Stoppables' number.

"Hi, Ron!" she said enthusiastically.

"Hello, Kimberly," Ron's mother replied.

Kim avoided groaning as she wondered how the waking nightmare of the previous evening would continue.

"Hello, Mrs. Stoppable."

"Kimberly, I want to apologize for last night. It really didn't go all that well, did it?"

"No, it didn't," Kim admitted.

"Well, I'd never tried anything like that before, and I don't think I'll be trying it again." Barbara Jo Stoppable said before pausing for a moment. "You know, Kimberly, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I wished Ronnie had met a nice Jewish girl …"

Kim wondered where this was going.

"… and I do get worried about all that globetrotting Ronnie does with you and I can't help but wonder if he's going to get into trouble or seriously hurt. But then I see how happy he is with you and that means a great deal to a mother."

"Well, I like to see Ron happy, Mrs. Stoppable. He's ferociously important to me," Kim said.

"Yes, I know. I wondered about this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing. I know that you and Ronnie have been friends since pre-K but there were times I thought you took him for granted …"

Kim cringed.

"… though I have to concede that Ronnie has had his moments, too. Anyway, I've seen how despite everything, you've stuck by him all these years and, more importantly, how you've treated him since the two of you began dating. You're making a tremendous difference in his life. He's working harder at school; he even seems to have better posture. And I especially appreciate all the confidence you've given him. To be honest, I'm glad somebody finally decided to discipline Shawn."

"Discipline Shawn?" Kim asked, wondering what Ron's mother was talking about.

"Oh, that's right," Barbara Jo replied. "You had left by the time Ronnie came back down with the Ex-Lax. He made sure Shawn finished every last bit of his dessert."

"Ron did that?" Kim said, unable to stifle a giggle.

"Oh, yes," Mrs. Stoppable replied, breaking out into laughter of her own. "I'd be lying if I didn't wonder if sometime in the future you and Ronnie weren't going to have to take down Shawn. Maybe Ronnie nipped something in the bud last night. I hope you're feeling better?"

"Much better, thank you," Kim answered.

"Good. Because I was wondering if you would be able to come to dinner tonight. Just you, Ron, me and his father. It will be a much … saner … evening."

"I'd like that," Kim replied, feeling much better about Barbara Jo Stoppable than she had the previous evening.

"Good. We'll see you at 7 o'clock."

XI.

This time things went much better. There were no grease fires in the kitchen, no threatened criminal charges, no suggestions that Kim was crushing on Shego, no pictures of a lip-smacking spud-covered Kim and Ron kissing to be distributed on-line, and no evil children adulterating food. And, there was no tension between Kim and Mrs. Stoppable.

Until the foursome sat down to play the dreidel game.

Ron and his father were quickly knocked out. Mrs. Stoppable and Kim had similarly sized piles of Hanukah chocolate coins before them.

Mrs. Stoppable, eyes narrowed, looked at Kim and said challengingly, "You got game, Kimberly?"

Kim, still trying to figure out the nuances of the Stoppable family dynamic, looked to Ron, seeking guidance. Ron smiled, nodded, and mouthed, "Go for it."

A wicked grin spread over Kim's face as she looked back to Ron's mother and said confidently, "Bring it!"

_The End_


End file.
